I used to think that I would be able to control my money better once I made more of it. I thought that if I could just get a better job, do more freelance work, or somehow reach that "next level," I wouldn't feel like my money was in charge anymore.
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But even when I made more money, I still felt like things were out of control. I would still forget about bills until the last minute. Some days I would spend money without thinking about it, and the next day I would feel bad about it. I would try out budgeting apps, but I would stop using them after a week or two. I wasn't being careless, but I wasn't in charge either.
I wasn't in charge of money, I was reacting to it. It wasn't a raise, a side job, or a financial tool that finally made things better. Every Sunday, I started doing one simple thing: checking my money. It sounds small, maybe even too easy. But the habit gave me a sense of peace, discipline, and clarity that I had never felt before. I'd sit with my money for 15 to 30 minutes every Sunday.
No stress, no distractions. I would open my banking app, look at all the transactions from the past week, and check in on how I was doing, both financially and emotionally. What happened to my money this week? Was there anything that surprised me? Was I spending money because I was stressed or happy? Did I get closer to my goals or drift a little? It was hard at first.
There were weeks when I hated seeing my balance. Some check-ins were full of regret or anger. But I kept going. I told myself that ignoring my money wasn't helping me; it was only making things worse. That little thing I did every week became a lifeline over time. I began to see patterns that I had never seen before. I realised that when I was stressed out, I always spent too much money in the middle of the week.
I saw that my grocery bills were going up without me even realising it. I noticed how often I was paying for things for other people without planning to. That knowledge gave me strength. I began to make changes, small, steady ones that worked because they were based on real data, not guesses. I added goals to my check-ins. "Spend $20 less on takeaway next week" was sometimes all it took.
"Send $50 to savings today" was another thing it said. I stayed focused but open. And most importantly, I was happy about my successes. Even the little ones. Especially the little ones. I didn't need to know everything. I just had to look at it honestly, often, and without shame. That habit made me feel more in charge than any budgeting spreadsheet ever could. It taught me that being perfect doesn't give you control.
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It comes from being consistent. It comes from going to the same place every week, even when things don't look good, and still choosing to deal with it. I look forward to my Sunday check-ins now. They've turned into a reset button. A moment to take a breath, think, and remember that I'm making something, even if it's slow and no one else sees it. That's how it really feels to be in charge. Not having a lot of money. Just being aware, making an effort, and getting a little better each week.
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